Morning… it did not begin with a thought.
It began with a feeling I could not name.
A small boy stood near the gate…
My sister’s son…
He noticed another child across the road.
For a moment, he just watched.
Then he walked closer… slowly…
As if he had already decided something inside.
He did not speak much.
He only stretched his hand…
And waited.
The other child looked confused… then smiled…
And held it.
They stood there for a few seconds…
Doing nothing… saying nothing…
But somehow… it felt complete.
I kept looking at them longer than I should have.
Later… near the kirana store…
A school boy stood with a chocolate in his hand.
He had been standing there for a while.
Looking… looking away… looking again…
His friends were around him… laughing… pushing him forward…
But he still waited.
Then suddenly… without saying anything to anyone…
He walked up to her…
Gave the chocolate… and turned back quickly.
He did not stay to see her reaction.
He did not try to explain anything.
But while walking back…
There was a smile he could not hide.
As if that one small act… was enough.
And then… on the way back home…
I saw two teenagers sitting on a low wall…
Not very close… not very far…
Just enough distance to keep things unspoken.
They were not talking much.
Just sharing silence… occasionally looking at each other…
And then looking away.
At one point… she said something softly…
He laughed… but quietly…
As if even laughter should not be too loud.
Nothing dramatic.
Nothing declared.
But still… something was there.
Clear enough to be felt…
Soft enough to be protected.
And all of this…
In just one morning.
I do not know why…
But it stayed with me.
Because somewhere between all that…
I started thinking about myself.
When did it become so difficult?
When did something so simple…
Start needing so much courage?
Now… when I like someone…
Before my heart even says something…
My mind starts building walls.
She is too beautiful…
She will never notice me.
She must already have someone…
Why would she even need me?
She is from another state…
Our lives will never match.
She speaks another language…
How will we even connect?
She belongs to another religion…
This will only create problems.
She is from a different caste…
Society will never accept.
She comes from an elite family…
I don’t belong there.
She has a better life…
I might only disturb it.
She might reject me…
I cannot take that.
What if I lose my dignity?
What if people talk?
What if I become a joke?
What if I am not enough?
So many thoughts…
So many reasons…
And somewhere in between…
I stop myself.
Earlier…
I did not need so much thinking.
I just felt…
And that was enough.
Now…
Even feeling needs permission.
Maybe the problem was never the world…
But the more I grew…
The more I moved away from something simple.
Because love did not become complicated…
I did.
And still…
Somewhere deep inside…
There is this quiet pain…
And a small wish that refuses to leave.
To go back…
Not to childhood…
But to that version of me…
Who did not think so much…
Who did not fear so much…
Who did not stop myself so much…
The one who loved…
Before the world taught him how not to.
Just once more…
I want to be that child again.
The one who gave without thinking.
The one who felt without fear.
The one who loved without walls.
Simply.
Innocently.
Completely. 💛